Your Croneliness,

How do you deal with bouts of depression when everything else is going great?

Like, how does one rid themself of grief when everything is content?

A melancholic queer

Dear MQ,

If we’re talking about a clinical diagnosis, I recommend speaking to a psychiatrist, but if this is more of an environmental or situational thing, the good news is you’re already on the right track.

Emotions can be habitual; they crop up from a time when they used to serve you.

If you feel that happening, it’s a matter of forcing yourself to recognize that things are going well and that you are okay.

PLENTY of people deal with these kinds of emotional aftershocks, and it becomes about teaching yourself to encourage these more positive feelings.

You actively work through these bouts as best as you can, and regardless of whether they are clinical or not, speaking to a professional can always help.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I’m finally getting married!!

We finally set a date, and I couldn’t be happier.

But now I’ve just lost my job due to budget cuts.

I’m so stressed about everything getting paid for that I’m afraid the wedding will get canceled.

I don’t know what to do, I just want to run away with my husband and live like a hobbit.

Bridetobe

Dear Bridetobe,

Congratulations on your planning, but now that this new variable is in the mix, I have to ask you: what’s more important, the wedding or the marriage?

I am all for a simple ceremony and a nest egg or a nice honeymoon.

If it’s that important to you, maybe you can delay the reception, elope, and host something for friends and family when it’s more financially feasible, or just do your best.

Whatever you choose to do, the day will be beautiful because of what it means to you, not due to any specific thing you can afford.

Congratulatorily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I ended a one-year relationship after we moved in together too quickly.

My frequent work travel made it hard for him to cope with being alone.

I know ending it was right for me, but it still hurts, and I feel guilty for not giving a second chance.

I fear I may never find someone willing to make the sacrifices needed to be with me.

A disillusioned romantic

Dear Disillusioned,

Plenty of people travel for work or are comfortable with a greater-than-usual level of independence from their partner.

I want to make it clear that having work obligations is neither a stain on you nor the ultimate obstacle to a successful relationship.

Take the next one slower, recognize that you handled this situation maturely, and take the time you need to process your breakup.

This will also be a good time to consider what sort of support you’re looking for from a partner in your career travels.

Grindingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone, dear Daniel,

I am currently 25, going on 26, and don't have any idea what to do with my life.

I thought that traveling the world is a nice break from having to choose, but 30 countries later, I'm still lost.

Should I choose something, just to do something, or postpone more and live like a bohem?

Sincerely Confused.

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

My first question is, can you afford it?

If money isn’t the issue, do whatever you want, but I think we’ve established that wandering aimlessly hasn’t brought you any sort of fulfillment.

You need to ask yourself where you want to live, what you want to be doing, and who you want to be doing it with.

Personally, I think having a home base is important, somewhere you go back to when the traveling is done.

Something that will help narrow this list is recognizing what you don’t want to do.

If you choose something just to break the monotony, you will likely end up resenting it, so I’ll also ask you to consider your goals.

These don’t need to be life-defining: a language you wish to learn, a hobby you want to take up, a skill you want to develop.

Start there, and do something that takes time, effort, and requires you to be present in one place.

You’ll figure out the rest.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My mother and I were leaving a friend’s house, and I thought I did something wrong.

At some point, I say, "I always do something wrong."

We get home, and my mother is upset that I said that when she didn't criticize me, which, to her credit, she didn't.

My mother leaves.

Enter my brother, whose memory I trust more than my own.

He says this isn't the first time I've reacted like this without her criticizing me.

In my defense, she's done it a lot in my life.

Any thoughts?

Ruby

Dear Ruby,

If your mother constantly criticizes you, don’t make her job any easier.

If she’s aware she wasn’t critiquing you, it’s possible she’s recognized this pattern of behavior and is trying to tone it down.

Regardless, if you’re constantly criticizing yourself, I think speaking to a professional is the best way to tackle that habit.

That said, I encourage you to wait until someone informs you of a problem, rather than assuming you have messed up.

Trust people to communicate with you, and give yourself a break.

Delicately,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am the eldest of all my siblings, and have been the parentified child for most of my life.

But it often feels like my mother still sees me as a child, and not able to make my own choices.

She even told me that I was choosing my partner because my father didn’t love me or something.

But the thing is, the man that i am choosing is nothing like my father, and i told her as much.

Yes, I know, "ignore your parents" and everything, but it’s kinda hard, because my mother means a lot to me.

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Of course, your mother means a lot to you. That doesn’t change the fact that she’s being a fucking bitch.

You can love her from a distance and control the conversation, actively steering the discussion toward topics you feel comfortable with.

Don’t engage with her when she talks about your partner, and I encourage you to consider whether she will be at any potential wedding.

Food for thought.

As an adult, she can understand the consequences of her behavior; that’s part of loving someone, too.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

So, 1 week ago, I donated my kidney to a child.

This child is a stranger to me, and I will likely never meet them.

I kept the whole family abreast of the situation and have gotten lots of support from my husband, friends, and grandmother.

My biological mother and father couldnt care less about it.

My mother is telling everyone I'm lying for attention and that if I’m not lying, then that child is going wish she had gotten a kidney from someone who matters.

My father is taking her side.

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Hey so like… what the fuck?

Good on you for saving a child’s life, that’s the most important thing here; who cares if your parents don’t?

Why are you speaking to people who treat you this poorly?

You lose nothing from distancing yourself.

Mom’s a twat and dad’s weak, tale as old as time, go hang out with granny.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

How do I deal with a co-worker who keeps ditching their work and adding it to my workload?

Our boss gives her all the grace and just dumps on me when stuff is not done.

She "works from home" [unreachable for me, answers clients and boss] and takes a vacation when the biggest projects have deadlines.

I'm exhausted.

Love,

burned-out baddie

Dear Baddie,

Document everything.

Every attempt at communication, every time a project changes hands, every time stamp, submission, receipt, check-in, check-out, follow up, “per my last email”, poes my last twat, etc.

You’re gonna keep that in a neat little folder, and then you’re gonna do whatever the fuck you want.

You’re going to get your work done, fill out your vacation paperwork, and every time something pops up, you refer to The Folder™and gently inquire how to better reach your co-worker.

And you’re going to start job hunting, because fuck these people.

Proactively,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My friend thought since it’s been 5 or 6 days with no contact I should text him and say he’s an asshole for not having the balls to say he’s not interested anymore, but i think im going to do what you said but im a bit hesitant because what if he really just isnt interested anymore and i lose whats left of my dignity?

Confused Naive Loner

Dear CNL,

I never recommend starting a conversation by ascribing intent or feeling to another person.

If and when you reach out, why don’t you ask for what you want: another date?

I understand wanting to keep your dignity, but I also want to point out that you can’t live your life in fear of embarrassment.

Dignity recovers, and someone not being interested isn’t a mark against you; it’s simply a reality everyone deals with.

Honestly,

The Crone