Drear Crone,

How do I remain professional when all my coworkers are acting like babbling baboons?

I feel like I’m the smartest person in the building for not insulting them to their faces.

Anonymous

Drear Anon,

The smart person in the room keeps their job!

Let the troop cavort about in their idiocy; get your work done.

You can dab your eyes with your paycheck.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a partner who seems super clingy and wants to spend all their time with me.

How do I get them to make friends or get a hobby so I can hide under my fort of blankets?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

I believe the first question is… do you like your partner, or do you prefer your blanket fort?

Balance is vital to a relationship, but the idea of “can someone else spend time with them so I can be alone” does raise some warning bells.

This is a bit of a double-edged sword; on the one hand, you can do whatever you want, and set boundaries for what you’re comfortable with. On the other hand, you should encourage them to pursue things they’re interested in and meet new people directly.

As in “I found this, maybe you should check it out,” or something to that effect.

That being said, if they’re waiting around the house for you all day, I say run.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone (and Daniel, too, I guess),

I’m struggling in my marriage and considering separating from my husband.

Our relationship was sexless for over 7 months at one stage, and our fights are always about the same thing- he wants me to lose weight, I’m comfortable how I am, etc., and it’s slowly been dawning on me that I don’t see a future with him anymore.

He seems oblivious to my inner turmoil.

I still love him and don’t want to hurt him.

How can I bring this up as painlessly as possible?

Trapped

Dear Trapped,

Why are you trying to make things painless for a guy when he doesn’t care that you’re in pain?

He wants you to lose weight, you don’t want to, and now the physical attraction is gone.

I’ll pose this: if he were suddenly extremely attracted to you again, would you want to sleep with him?

You don’t see a future, so why are you willingly stagnating yourself?

For the sake of your history, you could see a couples therapist, but if it’s just going to be the two of you arguing about your weight for $250/hour… I say save it for the lawyer.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone and Daniel,

My husband has had family trauma mess him up.

It affected our relationship, and I suggested therapy.

He did one appointment and now says it can’t help him.

Where do I go from here?

When someone stops believing therapy can help.

Sad and lost

Dear Sad,

It depends on your goal here.

Are you hoping to cure his trauma to make life convenient for you, or do you want him to actually receive the help he needs?

Perhaps that first therapist isn’t what he is looking for. He must (with your encouragement) assess his own goals with the trauma he experienced and what support for that would look like.

Healing is neither linear nor easy.

If he truly refuses any sort of help, you’ll need to consider your own boundaries and what you’re willing to tolerate in your relationship.

But this is the first hurdle.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am starting my own business, and one of my major new clients emailed an hour before a scheduled meeting with the team to say they wouldn’t work with me moving forward.

Even after years of therapy, my self-worth is entirely tied up in my success at work.

I have so much else in this world, but somehow any rejection at work can completely tank my mental health.

Additionally, they said it was due to my communication style, which no one had commented on to date.

How do I stop feeling this badly?

Feeling Flumoxed

Dear Flumoxed,

You move on to the next client.

This is what it means to own a business: you will try to be a good fit for as many people as possible, but you cannot be perfect for everyone.

You write an email back thanking them for their time, tell them the door is always open, and if they come crawling back, you charge them double.

From a personal perspective, maybe look into where the communications issue may have arisen.

Are we talking about formality in the tone of the email, standard grammatical issues, or perhaps the efficiency/timeliness of communications?

The good news is that they provided a clear critique, which means you have something concrete to work on!

Business-ly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I've been distancing myself from a friend group for a while.

Anytime I'm with them, they correct my behavior like I'm a child (e.g., swearing) and don't want my input for things like planning hangouts.

They also kicked me out of dnd and have recently tried to get me to rejoin.

I'm no longer interested.

I feel like they're trying to change me into who I’m not to fit their mold of what a Christian should be.

Should I leave the discord chat with all of them?

Bass Girl (Different Topic, Same Girl)

Dear Bass Girl,

If you aren’t a good fit with this group, nothing you force yourself to do is going to change that.

It appears that they are at best tolerant of you, and at worst seek to punish you until you conform.

Let them go throw the first stone, as it were.

What do you lose by not being with them?

Genuinely,

The Crone

Dear Herald,

People will judge no matter what you do or enjoy.

As Jinkx Monsoon would say: let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back.

Not saying there’s anything wrong with hetero romance novels, trust me, I’m a huge fan myself, but if you want to give same sex romances a try, and also don’t mind a little darkness and spice, might I suggest Rina Kent?

Most of her novels are of the hetero variety, but there are two books that are MM: God of Fury, book 5 of the Legacy of Gods series, and Kiss the Villain, book one of the Villain duet. Series? Idk.

Anyway, the Kentverse starts with the Royal Elite Series, Cruel King is technically book 0, as in the prologue to the Royal Elites. It’s worth jumping down the rabbit hole. I also have several hetero recs.

Sincerely,

Genuinely Helpful

Dear Helpful & Harold,

If you’re a tad confused, check out Harold’s question in Edition #94: 1000 Hours to Go.

We greatly appreciate the interest this column receives, to the point that not only do we get follow-ups, but members of our community also chip in to help each other.

I hope Harold appreciates the book recs, and I hope our other readers check them out as well!

Love,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am so used to experiencing misfortune, whether it be coincidental or because someone decided their happiness was worth my misery.

And even though my romantic/financial/spiritual life has seriously improved over the last couple years or so, I still get a nagging feel that shit is gonna hit the fan again.

I've tried to meditate, exercise, play games, and practice magic(am a witch) to feel better and distract myself from the feeling.

They somewhat help, but... any other suggestions?

Anxious cat dog

Dear Anxious,

Everything you’ve done has been to distract from or quash these feelings, but have you ever just sat with them?

I am no stranger to the idea of impending doom, but you have to teach yourself that the feeling is both temporary and unfounded in the long term.

You’ve seen improvements, and, to paraphrase a beloved coven member of mine, there isn’t someone keeping track of shoes, waiting to drop them.

You’ve put in the work; now enjoy the progress you’ve made. There’s only more to see from here.

Emphatically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

So I asked him if he was busy the weekend and he said yes hes going hunting with his family and then asked why im asking.

I told him i hope they enjoy it and then followed up with I wanted to know if you're free to hang out and he said thanks we will (in reference to the i hope you enjoy) and that was it.

We havent talked since then and although it sucks I am glad i did it cause it really wasn't that bad but now my "love life" is back to being dryer than the damn desert.

Confused Naive Loner

Dear CNL,

A desert you know you’re traversing is better than stumbling through a mirage and gargling sand.

You made the right choice, one that clarified your situation, put the ball in his court, and, I hope, gave you closure.

Well done on all fronts.

May the next beau to catch your eye write poetry and songs in your honor.

Happily,

The Crone