Hey, Crone & Daniel,

I just wanted to know: if we had advice to give to one of your other submissions, would it be possible to share the advice with you, and then you share it on the column?

Genuinely helpful

Dear Genuinely,

Sure thing, do me a favor and send it to [email protected] with the name of the original questioner and the edition it came from!

We’ll be sure to include it in a later edition.

Thank you!

The Crone

Dear Crone,

So I have been with my husband for 18 years.

I was 17 when we began dating.

That being said, I was afraid at that time to be honest and tell him I do not achieve an O when we have smex.

And now I am so worried about NOT having one, it’s likely part of the reason I don't.

He is amazing, always open to new things, but how can I break it to him that other than a few times orally, I basically NEVER O.

Sincerely,

Stupidly Un-O'd

Dear Un-O’d,

To start, we’re going to need to get you comfortable with saying (or writing) the word “sex.”

From there, tell him you need help to finish up.

I would also recommend a sex therapist if you want a more complex solution.

Otherwise, tell him to spend more time down there.

If oral is what works, do oral.

Emphatically,

The Crone

Dearest Crone (and Daniel),

When my boyfriend and I met, I was mid-divorce, and he had just ended a 10-year relationship.

Neither of us was looking for anything serious, but sometimes you meet the right person at a weird time.

Now, two years later, my family thinks it's weird that we have no plans to move in together, get married, etc.

We're both happy with the pace, even if it looks "too casual" to other people. Are they right or should I keep telling them to mind their beeswax?

XOXO!

Happy Where I Am

Dear Happy,

Who cares what your family thinks?

Genuinely, how does it impact you?

You don’t need to tell them to fuck off; you don’t need to tell them anything.

Just do what you want.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone, and Maybe Daniel,

My house was broken into recently, a man kicked in my glass patio door.

I think I'm mostly doing ok, sometimes its hard to tell, but I feel super jumpy at night.

Any spells for protection?

How can I feel safe again?

StolenSafety

Dear StolenSafety,

Protection spell.

If you haven’t already, consider looking into alarm companies to see what additional protections they offer.

It will take time, and I would recommend sleepovers if you have some friends who want to help you reclaim your space.

The feeling will fade, I promise.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Hi Daniel and Crone,

I just feel angry and disappointed all the damn time.

I'm looking after my sick dad on my own, working full time, and my one friend here is just incredibly flaky.

My nan is just never satisfied with anything, despite her being in Spain.

Every time I arrange to do something, it just gets cancelled, or I have to drop it.

Therapy isn't the best option as my dad... was a therapist before his accident.

Any other suggestions before I jump on a train to start a new life?

Thanks

On the Borderline

Dear On the Borderline,

To start, fuck whatever Nan is up to.

Is she helping you with your problems, or just nagging you?

You don’t need to engage with someone who is just communicating with you to complain.

To be frank, I don’t see how your father’s profession relates to the help you may need, but if you don’t want to pursue that option, start by getting rid of the people who aren’t helping you. Especially those who can’t commit to or follow up with your plans.

You can always run away (assuming you’re emancipated), but if that option is always there, we can start by shedding the bad and seeing what good we can replace it with.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

All my friends moved away. Literally all of them.

The closest are a two-hour train ride away from me now.

I know I need to make new friends, but I haven't done that in a long time.

And it doesn't help that I don't have a job right now, so I can't meet people through work.

I know being alone isn't good for me, but I don't want new friends.

I want MY friends.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Join something.

Dance class, gym, volleyball club, run club, cult.

Whatever works best for you.

Go patronize your local coffee shop or restaurant and get to know your neighborhood.

Anything is better than sitting inside by yourself.

Socially,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

When I return to work (laid off, parental leave, blah blah), my career transition might require that I give up some level of anonymity.

I realized I love to be anonymous; people who work with me know who I am, but I enjoy not having a public presence.

How do I navigate sacrificing this to some extent for my career? (I basically do science communications, for our purposes)

Shhh I’m a ghost

Dear Ghost,

You’re overestimating the difference between anonymous and slightly known.

I guarantee it won’t impact your life in any significant way.

But if you’re desperate to remain anon, see if you can publish or otherwise release your information under a pseudonym.

Trust me, the career boost is worth it.

Congratulatorily,

The Crone

Hey Crone and Daniel!

My beautiful daughter was born at the beginning of January (fashionably late, just like her mother).

Childbirth absolutely was a bitch, but my husband and mother were great help.

Not sure if I want to go through that again though, we’ll see.

First week adjusting was rough (thanks, baby blues), but we’ve gotten into a bit more of a routine, and I’m not in as much pain now.

And although I’m biased, she is pretty damn cute.

I’m so excited to see her grow and thrive! Thank you :)

Expecting But Terrified

Dear Expecting,

I guess we need to change your name!

Mazel tov on a healthy, happy baby, and don’t be afraid to keep us updated as she grows.

We always love receiving happy news from our readers, and it’s a privilege for us to hear from you.

Love,

The Crone