Dear Crone,

I’m friends with a man i used to date, yes I know but the right person wrong time trope irl sue me, & he flew out to see me over christmas, now when we talk he says stuff like“we should get married“

“You should move here”(halfway across the us), we’re good friends but i dont know what to do bc its either we’re best friends or hes borderline proposing.

Pls help me fix my love life, im in college and want to either be with him or find someone else bc i feel like im getting a little old to be single

Ava

Dear Ava,

If you yourself think it was the right person but the wrong time, what’s wrong with trying again?

There’s no issue with being single at your age, but if you don’t want to be, and you like him, and he’s clearly showing interest in you, I don’t know what to recommend besides riding it like you’re trying to break a wild stallion.

PREEMPTIVELY, don’t start planning your move, but the next time you two are together, start by going on a formal date.

See what comes next, and in the meantime, remain open to advances from other suitors who catch your eye.

Bridgertonly,

The Crone

Hi crone!

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I've been dating for nearly a year.

He's fantastic, sweet, lovely, reads romantasy and is willing to watch Bridgerton (omg?).

I have one issue. I always want to plan a romantic surprise, but I am patently incapable of keeping my mouth shut.

I always tell him! I am looking for advice on how to convince him to do things that will lead to a surprise (i.e. "come and do x with me") WITHOUT looking so suspicious that he immediately knows I am up to something.

Lover Girl 5000

Dear Lover Girl,

Too much excitement is an adorable problem to have, and the best remedy for it is to get his friends in on it.

Make it seem as close to a normal day as possible, just with company.

Running errands, lunch plans, going for a walk, hells (worldbuilding), maybe even a nap.

Make it fit into your usual schedule as closely as possible right up to the last minute.

And then keep your trap shut/deploy the flaps if you need to distract him.

…I’ll let you read between the lines there.

Happily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a crush on a coworker for about two years now and it's getting worse since he got a different job in our company and he decided I was the most reliable person.

He now includes me in all his gossip and briefly called me queen.

He's very friendly and always finds me during funny moments to laugh.

How do I get myself out of this emotional hell?

Emotional Hell

Dear Emotional,

I’m not one to assume, but I do feel the need to ask you:

Did he call you “Your Highness” or was it more of a “Yes, Queen” situation?

I might be honing in on a secondary issue you may have missed, is my point.

Assuming that isn’t a problem, have you considered… asking him out.

It’s nothing like anime makes it out to be—no nosebleed, loss of coordination, or stuttering, I promise.

Go hit on him.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Not advice but venting.

I'm fully split from my ex and dating again.

My ex tries to tell me that I shouldn't be dating (f off).

Key is I've only posted on the apps and haven't told anyone.....

Apologies, thanks for your ears

Single Mom Dating

Dear SMD,

Ironically enough, you can recommend your ex “SMD” as well!

Apps are iffy, but I don’t always discourage them solely because they’re very low effort and low-risk if you want them to be.

Good luck with this next step. Find someone taller, in better shape, and wealthier, too. It’ll kill him.

Problematically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a "friend", who last year really hurt me and almost broke up our friendgroup, so I blocked her.

But this year, I started doubting if she was in the wrong.

I know she really hurt me and some of my friends (THATS A WHOLE OTHER PROBLEM) but I know she was really struggling, so I reached out again mutually just as a means of communication, but I still am doubting if it was the right choice because in some way, all my friends have made me feel somewhat worthless, but her most of all.

Bookish_Trans

Dear B_T,

I’m going to offer the aside that if your friends are making you feel worthless, you may need to form a new social group—but let’s address your main concern.

When it comes to these scenarios, I say, accept that whatever you did was necessary at the time.

Maybe you’ve grown up, and the situation is less of an issue now, but when it happened, you did what you needed to do.

Now you’re reaching out, and that’s great.

Know what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate, and you can decide later whether this is worth it to you.

Your other friends’ opinions on the scenario are irrelevant. You wanted to reach out, so commit to it and see how it goes.

Delicately,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am at a very transitional point in my life, in 3 weeks I finish college and I have a Co-Op after but I feel a lot internal and external pressure to get a job in a field I still feel nervous of (engineering yay) but I want to pivot into something more creative.

How do I gain the experience and confidence to go after what I want even with limited experience (college advisors suck and how to keep consistent energy)

Macie

Dear Macie,

I love creative projects (obviously), but I also love having a fallback.

I say you can develop two things at once:

That is to say, just because it makes you nervous doesn’t mean you won’t be good at an engineering job, won’t benefit from it, or that it won’t ultimately serve your long-term goals.

Continue with what you’re doing to build confidence, and see which creative jobs interest you.

Assess your finances, make sure you’re familiar with the process of leaving one field and joining the other, and if you still want to do it, leap.

There’s nothing wrong with trying; you’re an adult, failure means correction, not punishment.

In the meantime, keep creating, whatever form that takes.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

I'm a 46-year-old divorced woman looking for a nerdy, sci-fi-loving, anime junky.

Why is this so hard to find? Where are these men who won't judge me or my reading choices?

Am I asking for too much?

Sincerely yours,

Thirsty Southern Bell

Dear TSB,

You’re not asking for too much, but until we receive the next patch update, they’re not going to fall from the sky.

Nerd bars, conventions, or interest clubs are probably your best bet, and in the meantime, a personal project can build confidence and give you a goal to work toward, whether that’s a fitness regimen, a hobby you want to pick up, or a skill you’re trying to develop.

It’s not going to be as straightforward as rolling a d20, but you might as well improve your odds!

Dungeonily,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I would love to see u in like a Lord of the Rings scenario.

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I don’t know why someone would wish that much cardio upon me, but I’ll take it for the compliment that that is.

All I’m saying is I have a few drakin who owe me a favor, and the flight would be 2 days max.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I want to try and write a book that is basically “Detective Priest finding/fighting monsters because the Pope said so” but every time I set aside time to start I convince myself it’s a dumb idea.

Thoughts?

Rachel M

Dear Rachel,

Two things:

Decide what tone you’re going for: is it gritty, snide, poignant, funny, scathing, or a combination of the above, and start writing.

You know my vessel has read Zodiac Academy, right? You’re fine, dearie.

Get started.

Directly,

The Crone

Crone,

The barista asked me on a date, I think!!

She invited me out to a concert with her and asked for my Instagram, but seemed a bit… startled upon learning I’m like 6 years younger than her.

The only downside is she doesn’t drive so I’d have to drive for it despite being a professional passenger princess

Cafe Crush

Dear CC,

I greatly look forward to your write-in titled “we’re getting married, I think!!! She’s in a white dress at the end of the aisle, and all our family is here, but I don’t want to assume…”

Have fun on your date, and may I recommend an Uber pickup if nobody wants to drive?

Enjoy!

Laughingly,

The Crone