Dear Crone,

Not a question, but I did want to say how much I appreciate you and this community.

I also want to say how much I appreciate getting to have such an active role in maintaining it.

Even the bullying I was lovingly given until I accepted this was a job (we'll leave my doubts about that out of this).

It is an honor and a pleasure to be your friend and moderator.

It means the world to me that I get to support a creator I like and respect so much.

So thank you for everything.

Erecurra, Left Tit of the Crone

Dear Erry,

Your generosity with your time is matched only by the joy you bring to this community.

Without you, the Discord would still be a single channel that my vessel struggles to operate properly.

No one is more worthy of the title of my Left Tit, and I love you much more than the right one, which has since succumbed to gravity.

Thank you for building this up alongside us; we really couldn’t do it without you.

With all our love and gratitude,

The Crone and Daniel

Dear Crone,

I started a FWB with some guy off Tinder to get over a breakup and made it clear in the beginning that for his safety and sanity I cannot do anything beyond use him for his body right now.

But I fear he’s catching feelings because he sends me relationship memes and looks at me like I hung the moon in the sky.

I also took his virginity.

What do I do?

Because unfortunately, the sex is really, really good, and I’m selfish, but don’t want to lead him on.

Adickted

Dear Adickted,

My first instinct is to say that you’ve made things clear, and he’s an adult; therefore, you’re welcome to keep doing what you’re doing.

Simultaneously, if he’s at any point making you uncomfortable, you should end the sexual relationship wholesale.

Alongside that, I want to caution against any assumptions. He’s sending memes and looking at you, don’t ascribe anything to it, so long as you are being abundantly clear about things.

Have another conversation with him, “we are not going to date, so either hit this or get out,” or something to that effect, and go from there.

Stay on guard, but don’t assume the worst.

Cautiously,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend of a month (commitment issues) for several reasons, but mainly that it's an online relationship and I live in a very close-minded country.

While he's a very sweet man whom I genuinely fell in love with, I knew it wasn't going to work out.

The issue now is we're part of the same friend group, I don't know if I should leave or stay, and if asking if he's ok is a good idea, as we were close friends.

Sincerely,

Hung Up Ex.

Dear Hung Up,

I’m assuming this friend group is virtual, in which case, leaving will probably cause more drama than staying.

Give him time to move on as well, but you’re entitled to your friends just as much as he is.

Be respectful of him, I would say, don’t inundate the others with the details, and wait for things to settle.

You can hold off on reaching out.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I enjoy your Insta and FB posts and value your opinion.

I'm getting married in June.

My fiancé's family supports me, but my own family doesn't—my mother calls my plans stupid, and my father is silent.

I believe they don't want me to marry.

My sister is the only supporter.

Others suggest cutting ties with my parents, but they don't share their true feelings; they complain about me to my little sis.

I would feel better excluding them if they were honest.

They've done this my whole life For reference, I am 22 F, my sister is 19, I live in Oklahoma and they are in Kansas.

D and I have known each other for almost 6 years and on our wedding day we will be together for 3.

I love him.

No one has ever believed in me or listened to me or been there for me like him.

He sees all the bad and still loves me.

My parents on the other hand are borderline narcissistic.

I am the oldest and fit the stereotype.

D's mom and stepdad are amazing.

His family accepted me from day 1.

What should I do?

M

Dear M,

You go get married.

I often hesitate to recommend no or low contact, but ask yourself, would your family’s presence at your wedding be a positive or a negative addition?

If they aren’t paying, aren’t planning, and aren’t being helpful or kind… they aren’t invited… It’s as simple as that.

It sounds like you have a supportive family and the benefit of distance from the not-so-supportive ones.

Go have your big day. Trust your decisions and your desires.

And make sure your sister is there too.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

Have you ever experienced burnout from being the standout in your field?

That others could do what you are doing, but don’t, so you work 3x harder to show others how it should be done?

How do you overcome the overwhelming laziness of your peers?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

To start, are you showing them how to do it, or are you just handling their work for them?

If it’s the latter… stop. Document everything you’re supposed to be doing and make sure it’s on record that you’ve done it.

If people aren’t going to finish their work or are going to compromise a deadline, let them face the consequences of their laziness.

If people are shoving their work off onto you with no additional compensation, document that, bring it up during performance reviews, and start looking for a new position yesterday.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I cannot believe that all those years of learning letter writing have come to this.

Regardless, in a month now I'll be finishing my first year at uni and still do not know what to do.

Sure maybe no ones knows, maybe no one knows what to do because if we did there'd be a way for me to consume every media that has and will ever will exist.

The issue comes down to this for me- How do you make the most of your life?

By being the Jack or the Master?

Anxiously,

Eve(I stole it from Hugo)

Dear Eve,

The answer is: you don’t have to pick.

You can be a jack in some fields and a master in one.

Daniel can cook without burning his apartment down, fix a sink, and create a fantasy AU to explain endothelial-to-hematopoietic transition.

You can do the equivalent.

In the case of university, I say pick what you’re good at that has the best chance of making you the most money.

Once you handle your finances, getting the most out of life becomes much easier.

In that vein, you do so by finding friends you love, having a direction in your career (whatever that is), and being able to hang up on your parents without consequence.

Life is about continuing to learn, and while you may master a thing, not sucking at others can be just as much of an achievement.

Go into your second year open-minded, find what courses you can see yourself doing as a profession, and, where applicable, intern under a professor or find related work in that field.

Basically, experiment, and know that however you spend the next 10,000 hours, you’re on the right track.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Ever since my husband passed away a year ago everyone has told me I NEED to go to therapy for it.

No matter how many times I tell everyone I’m not ready they just keep pushing it.

I don’t know how to approach this situation anymore.

Nobody wants to listen to me when I explain why I’m not ready to relive those awful memories.

How do I tell everyone to stop pushing it on me until I’m ready in a way they understand?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

It’s not about explaining yourself; it’s about shutting the conversation down.

When that comes up, you say “we’re not talking about this” or excuse yourself from the room, if necessary.

That said, I want to encourage you to recognize that your circle is doing this out of concern… however annoying or misguided it may be.

I do heartily encourage speaking to a professional once you are ready to do so, but for the situation you’re describing, their worry for you is overriding the words coming out of your mouth.

So explain the boundary, and enforce it.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

Keep my man, or add 2 to the roster until he acts right?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Free him.

The worst option always threatens better… and you’re asking if you should act like an adult or cheat?

Don’t piss me off.

Love,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am in love with the barista at my local coffee shop.

She is so beautiful and I keep staring at her like a lovesick fool every time I go in.

She knows my name, has my order memorized, calls me “pretty girl” and offers me free food/coffee.

I kinda want to ask her out but I can’t tell if she likes me or I would fall for the stripper liking me.

What do I do?

I’ve been in love with her for like 3 months and she haunts my dreams.

Cafe Crush

Dear CC,

IF YOU CAN SAFELY ASSUME SHE SWINGS YOUR WAY, I say go for it.

“Would you like to grab something other than coffee with me sometime?” Is a good place to start.

It’s either this or you’re haunted for another 3 months.

Worst-case scenario, you start mobile ordering.

Encouragingly,

The Crone