Author: Lindsay C. Gibson

Title: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Genre: Far too fucking real

In between the Epic Fantasy and Faerie Smut I occasionally seek self improvement.

The Crone does not because she’s perfect. Unlike many people on this planet, many more of whom decided the key to success was to fuck up their children via blending their mishegoss with that of a life partner.

I’m not here to judge (your parents anyway) but I am here to recommend.

Sometimes acceptance is key, because other options are “illegal” or “unethical” or “far less healthy than just seeing a therapist.”

You know what I mean.

The title says it all.

Dear Crone (& Daniel),

I’m starting to wonder how the hell people get dates.

I feel like all of the men I’m attracted to are gay and all the women straight.

I don’t drink so there’s no liquid courage to help me.

Desperately,

SadAndBisexual

Dear SadandBisexual,

Dating, like most human interaction, is significantly more art than science.

The most annoying answer I can provide you to getting a date is to simply ask someone out.

That is also more art than science, learning to read a person’s interest, availability, and sexuality is something that needs to be developed, and it typically won’t occur if you’re waiting for a magic partner to fall from the sky.

Alcohol is not the issue, though of course, environments that sell alcohol are typically social environments that encourage dating, so you will simply have to find a different venue.

Sports clubs, hobby groups, or community apps are typically a great place to meet new people, the dating will have to evolve from there.

In regard to the sexuality of those you are interested in, that is simply a fact you have to accept. Some men may be the most perfect physical specimen you’ve ever seen, but unfortunately their boyfriend thinks so too.

Similarly you might find the reincarnation of Aphrodite in a grocery store, but unfortunately she’s wearing matching T-shirts with the guy standing next to her.

These are the kinds of things that tend to happen as you focus on yourself rather than a lack of dates.

It won’t fall out of the sky, but it may bump you in the shoulder as you’re out on a walk. Give it time.

Yentally,

The Crone

Dear SandB,

When the love of your life ends up crashing into you on the sidewalk (or dragging you through a violently purple portal) we expect wedding invites!

Love,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

My brother and I have been close all our lives.

He’s been going through a lot recently and I’ve tried hard to maintain our relationship despite being on the receiving end of several angry/misguided outbursts.

Is it time to stop trying?

Sincerely,

Dynamic Uno

Dear Dynamic Uno,

The world’s worst sibling once asked “am I my brother’s keeper?” and while a lot of what he did was wrong, he nailed it on the head with that one.

Your empathy towards your brother does serious credit to the relationship, but it is important to remember that you are ultimately not responsible for your brother’s actions.

If his behavior is intolerable for you, that is okay. This does not mean that you “stop trying” so to speak, but it does mean you must establish the boundary of what you are willing to accept as part of his hardship vs. what is unacceptable regardless of that.

You do not need to be on the receiving ends of outbursts, and can make it clear that you wish to support him, but you cannot do that if he is unable to healthily channel his anger.

Presumably, you are not a therapist, and even if you are, you should not be his therapist.

You cannot support him if doing so means you are not supporting yourself.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Hello Miss Crone!

How do I know if I am enough?

For some I’m too much for others not enough.

I care what these people think, is there a way to stop that?

I don’t want to keep fighting between too much and not enough.

Thank you!

Star blossom 🌼

Dear Star Blossom,

The truth is, what you are describing is life!

For many people, you will be a song sung by their favorite artist, but for others, they may simply hate that genre.

It’s unlikely you will be able to turn off your concern for what some others may think of you.

But you can reframe it based on two questions.

1) What exactly do these people represent that I am trying to earn approval of.

It can be very telling if they represent something from your past. Perhaps reminding you of your parents, old friends, or situations from school. It can be desirous to reclaim these negative experiences, trying to paint them over with the approval of those who remind us of them now.

2) Do I trust these people to give directions to their own apartment.

If the answer is no, their approval is probably worth less than Google Maps app on your phone.

But for now, the most important question is are you enough for yourself?

Other’s opinions are secondary to your own self acceptance.

And regardless, you’re enough for the right people anyways.

Cognitively,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

My older brother has been pussywhipped his whole life.

It's now to the point that he is choosing his stepson over his ACTUAL daughter because of a dispute between his wife and babymama, which keeps me from my niece.

What should I do?

Familialy,

Furious Aunt

Dear Furious Aunt,

To start, I am going to reject the concept of “actual” vs. step child.

To outline this, an unmitigated argument between the mother of your niece and your sister-in-law has resulted in your brother siding with his wife and stepson.

The result of this conflict now meaning you don’t see your niece.

You’re angry at the way your brother has handled this, and from what I can gather if you aren’t seeing your niece it’s because her father isn’t seeing her either.

If I am correct, the person to speak to is your niece’s mother.

The goal here should be to keep your niece as far removed from this conflict as possible.

The adults can deal with the bullshit, and nobody should be badmouthing any of the other adults in your niece’s life to her.

You can go to her mom and offer your support and make it clear your primary concern is your niece.

This also means respecting whatever custody agreement is in place, as well as your niece’s mom’s wishes.

If you’re able to see your niece and your brother is upset he can’t see his daughter, that is entirely between his ex and him.

You do not need to be involved in his relationships.

Boundarily,

The Crone

Dear Furious Aunt,

As someone with an older sister.

She certainly isn’t afraid of smacking me upside the head when necessary.

This does not mean you tell him what to say, who to say it to, or how to make amends.

But it does mean you can call him an idiot if applicable.

Love,

Daniel

Dear Crone,

I have my second ever competition coming up and I'm the only one at my studio without a medal.

I'm terrified of being on stage and scared I'll place last again.

It makes me feel like I'm not cut out for this, even after months of prep.

What can I do?

Theatrically,

Stage Fright

Dear Stage Fright,

There is a simple question you must ask yourself.

What matters more, earning a medal? Or being a part of your studio community?

If the answer is the former, you may absolutely be cut out for this, but it’s possible you are losing enjoyment in the face of your own standards.

If the answer is the latter, that’s a great thing to realize.

You put in months of work by your own admission. This to me speaks of a dedication that can only come from the love of the act itself.

You would still be cut out for it, but perhaps need improvement depending on the results of the competition.

You’re only not cut out for it if you quit BUT you don’t want to.

Everything else is an acceptable outcome.

I’m excited for your performance. Not only if you place, but only if you enjoy it.

Dramatically,

The Crone

Jennifer S.

Crohnic G.

Lauren C.

Selaena

Lyndsie P.

Sabrina W.

Elle W.

Sam

Madz

Cleo

Isabella G.

Jimmy D.

Ciara G.

Emily G.

Shelby A.

Allison K.

ABZuga