Greetings, Crone!

I love the content and material.

Do you have any advice on how to be less awkward?

I feel like I am not the best at cues and would love to know tips and tricks on navigating social situations…maybe like parties or introductions?

Thanks again!

Glowingly,

Solenne

Dear Solenne,

Practice makes perfect!

In social settings, people love to talk about themselves.

Practicing conversational cues that will bounce a subject back to them is always a good way to keep the conversation going.

It can be as generic as “I do this, what about you?” and you can get more fluid from there.

Also, if you’ve forgotten someone’s name but have a friend there, I always play the “have you two met?” card, which prompts them to repeat their names, so you never have to ask a second time.

Helpfully(?),

The Crone

Greetings, Oh Wise and Benevolent Crone,

I have a friend who is going through a breakup.

However, she only dated the guy for four months and is taking it extremely hard.

As the best friend, I've been her shoulder to cry on, but it's to the point where every attempt at steering the conversation away from the guy, she brings it back to him and spends HOURS repeating the same spiel about how she really liked the guy and wants him to miss her, and I'm getting really tired of it.

Am I a bad friend?

LoveAnnoyed

Dear LoveAnnoyed,

You’re not a bad friend; you just moved on from her relationship a lot faster than she did.

And that makes sense.

Personally, I’m on your side. You get a week to lament anything that doesn’t have a ring, and then it’s time to throw some ass in a circle, watch a movie, or whatever third option you can conceive.

You can tell her, as exasperatedly as possible, “I’m so sick of hearing about this man, let’s go out,” or something with a similar sentiment.

Sometimes people need a love slap to knock them back to their senses.

Deliver it.

Gently-ish,

The Crone

Hi Daniel,

I have a direct question… It seems you recently came out, and I’ve just realized I’m “in the closet.”

I’m sure I’m straight and attracted to men, but I don’t enjoy sex with anyone.

Asexuality is hard to explain, and I worry I won’t be understood or may struggle to find a relationship.

I want affection and intimacy, but nothing more.

Any words of encouragement?

Sincerely

SuddenlyAce

Dear SuddenlyAce,

You may struggle in finding what you want, but honesty is also the only surefire way to get it.

You don’t need to blast it from the rooftops necessarily; you can instead choose to reveal it to those with whom you’re comfortable.

Admittedly, this is not something that I have personal experience with, and I would also recommend seeking asexual groups to discuss experiences.

I hesitate to recommend Reddit for, well, anything, but I’d bet good money an r/ace or a similar community exists.

To start, remember you’re not alone. Nor is what you want unachievable.

Patience is a must, and trust me, I’m not that good at it either.

Encouragingly,

Daniel

Dearest Crone and Daniel,

I have an opportunity to travel to Chicago for a few days to relax.

The only issue I'd have to go by myself.

While I can do it safely, I'm still nervous to go alone (I'm afab).

Any advice on how to get over my nerves and travel safely?

Needs a Push

Dear Needs a Push,

Your push will be: do it scared.

You have to trust your ability to take care of yourself, which I have no doubt you possess.

Go.

Don’t wander down dark alleys at night, stay close to people, and carry something, whether that’s pepper spray or a… Smith & Lesson, for those who need some instruction.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have a friend who is in the middle of a nasty divorce, and I lend her my ear and shoulder whenever need be, our longest call being well over eight hours.

I just don't feel like she reciprocates. I have helped her move, given her resources, and many other things, but when I ask for help or want to talk, she seems uninterested and will come up with reasons and excuses why she can't do it.

Am I just a punching bag for her emotions, or am I just not being understanding?

Empathetic sociopath

Dear Empathetic,

I don’t think you’re a punching bag; I think you’re available.

Friendships should not be based on an assumption of mutual reciprocity, but rather, individuals giving freely without expectation—and there’s a subtle difference.

Regardless, I think you’ve accurately assessed the situation, your friend is taking what you’re offering, and has little interest in doing the same.

So the question becomes: do you like being on the phone for 8 hours while she talks about her problems?

If yes, great, keep being available.

If not, do what she does.

It’s not like you’re going to miss out on emotional support.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone and Daniel,

My brother hurt me in one fashion or another my entire life.

Even now, when in his mid-40's, he finds a way to put me down.

My whole family thinks I need to just forgive him and move on (because he's changed so much!), but they don't seem to understand the lasting damage he's done.

How can I explain to them that I just can't do what they want and end that line of questioning?

Giving Up

Dear Giving Up,

You don’t have to end that line of questioning; you just need to live by your decision.

Better yet, turn it back on them.

“Why should I forgive someone for something they never apologized for?” — assuming he hasn’t, of course.

I need readers to know that you can just ignore your family.

You’re an adult.

You’re in charge.

Everyone else can fuck off.

Happily,

The Crone

Hello Crone and Daniel!

I am a 25-year-old, and I constantly have this feeling that I am going to fail.

Two years ago I met a man who inspires me to want more out of life.

Recently, that inspiration led me to start working towards getting a Master’s Degree in accounting so I can one day run my own bookstore.

I love both these ideas, but I'm constantly worried that I am going to fail miserably.

I barely graduated college the first time.

How do I get over that paralyzing fear?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

What happens if you fail?

Genuinely.

Are you a bit embarrassed and you try again, or does the universe explode?

Exactly.

Start your program, fuck up along the way, get up and fix it.

True failure only exists when you stop trying.

Get out there and pursue this goal. I know you can do it.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Daniel and Crone,

I met a man through dating apps who has so far fit everything i want in a partner, and even through text, i feel comfortable with him.

When I told my mother, she told me she was apprehensive because he's Indian and an immigrant, and just a couple days ago, she told me that she was uncomfortable because she thought that he would force me to adopt his culture, but from what he has told me, he wants nothing to do with his birth culture.

How do you think I should handle this?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

I need people to start ignoring their parents.

Unless you’re 16, I cannot fathom what value your mother’s input would be for your relationships.

Stop going to her with men-related issues.

You handle this by going out with the guy, making sure he is a safe and respectful dating partner, and moving from there.

Seriously, who cares what momma thinks?

Maybe he does have certain cultural practices he wishes to share, so long as he (and they) respect your autonomy, you can simply partake in another culture.

Factually,

The Crone