Dear Crone,

I need advice on where to get a cloak like yours; it is awe-inspiring

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

Our current garbs are an original, exclusive piece of work by a member of the coven named Taiza!

We also have a member on the Twitch side of things, Ceri, who is adding to our wardrobe soon.

So I suppose my answer must be networking!

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am new to dating and sex.

Well relatively new anyways met a guy at the club, exchanged tags talked for months then he drove 3 hrs to see me.

First date magical, the night even more so. First ever good sex experience

It meant a lot to me honestly contemplated being asexual for sometime.

Anyways two more dates and months later im bored by him well not all of him but long distance and poor communication.

I dont see the point in the situationship but on the other hand he was so great in bed.

WDID

Sera

Dear Sera,

I’m a firm believer in the idea that until you have the bf/gf conversation, you’re free to do what you want.

That means you can keep this “situationship” while exploring other options that come your way.

If he wants you to himself, he has to say it, and it certainly sounds like he’ll need to try harder to maintain your interest.

That’s on him.

Enjoy the sex when the opportunity arises and see what else rises to catch your eye or your snatch, as the case may be.

If it ain’t broke, keep riding.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I currently have a huge crush on my coworker, and I've been crushing on him for a few months now.

We've become fairly close to each other to the point where we sometimes give each other gifts and often message and send each other videos and memes even outside of work (and sometimes on the weekends).

I want to confess but i don't want to ruin the friendship.

What do i do?

Crowlover

Dear Crowlover,

This warrants my age-old response of what’s more important: the friendship or finding out if the feelings are mutual?

Neither answer is wrong, but you have to choose.

What I will say is, if he’s engaging with you outside of work, there is more than likely something there, but you also need to decide your approach.

Are we going with ravish me in the office or would you like to grab a drink sometime?

… HR-wise, there is a right answer, but… well, you probably shouldn’t go with the former.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I know my husband is emotionally and mentally abusive, after he cheated on me i decided to leave.

But even though i know he is no good for me and there had been 8 years of abusive cycles, i cant seem to let him go.

I keep hoping things will change, though i know they wont.

How do i let him go so i can be free of this oppressive love?

Valkrys

Dear Valkrys,

At this point, mental moving on matters less than the physical steps to do so.

You hoping things will change is normal; it’s honorable, and it’s delusional, so with this in mind, it becomes about cutting communication in all forms, only speaking through a lawyer and in written formats, and not listening to a word out of his mouth otherwise.

You do this, you wrestle with the feelings it brings up, and you do not cave.

It will not get better until he is out of your life, and you will start to let him go when you start to notice the peace you have when he isn’t there.

TL;DR: actions first, mindset later.

Emphatically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I want to start going to the gym.

I think I will like the routine of it, and there is an affordable one near my university.

There's one problem, the thought of socializing freaks me out (I'm a yoga-in-my-living-room type of person).

I just can't get over it, and the more I think about it, the more I'm procrastinating getting a membership.

Help?

Anxiously,

SolitaryConfinementIsMyHappyPlace

Dear SolitaryConfinement,

Your understanding of the gym is unfathomably incorrect, and I don’t say that to be mean.

Nobody wants to socialize at the gym beyond asking how many sets you have left.

If you talk to the people at the front desk after the initial sign-up, I will be genuinely shocked.

Trust me when I promise that you can go to the gym and not interact with anyone.

My vessel’s been going for six months now, and he’s had conversations with like 2 people… and he doesn’t remember their names.

Get that membership!

Swole-ly,

The Crone

Crone,

I’m moving out for the first time on my own and feel a lil lost.

Do you have any advice for a first apartment and the essentials?

So far, all I have is a mattress on the floor and a good WiFi connection.

Leaving the Nest

Dear Nest,

Genuinely, this is a fantastic start; some recommended additions:

And that should about cover it.

Movingly,

The Crone

To the Delightful Crone,

I have a silly little dilemma that I believe you may be some assistance in.

I moved recently and began ripping up all the offensive impersonal landscaping.

Apparently the neighbors prefer grass.

There are no laws about it, and so I want to be petty.

Any ideas on the pettiest response?

Lost Fae in Metropolis

Dear Fae,

I don’t recommend using permanent landscaping decisions as a form of spite; instead, do whatever you want as a long-term investment.

Plant your preferred flowers, put up your preferred decorations, and if you must, get one of those giant inflatable middle fingers to point at your preferred neighbor.

Landscapingly,

The Crone

Hello Crone and Co.,

I just graduated with my Bachelor’s in Physics!

My best friend came out and visited...and it was uncomfortable.

He'd kissed my shoulder at graduation (in front of my hubs!) and kept trying to flirt and acted like we were together.

Idk what to do now.

I don't want to be friends, but how do you end a friendship of 7ish years?

Friendless Physicist

Dear Physicist,

That’s fucking weird, and I’m only saying that because any resulting behavior on your part would be valid in my opinion.

Mazel on the Bachelor’s; you end it real simply:

You never talk to the mofo again. I would block him for this, but if you’d prefer to tell him off, cite this behavior and say the friendship is over.

In his head, you’re going to realize that you married the wrong guy and should be with him instead.

Get rid.

Conclusively,

The Crone

Hello Croniest of them all!

Bit of a silly advice one, but meh.

What should I do if the acoustics in my room suck to hell and back? (Specifically there's the most tiny echo, and the windows block NO outside sound so I can't sleep)

Tango

Dear Tango,

Never underestimate the value of a noisemaker.

If you have an iPhone, go to Accessibility > Audio & Visual > Background Sounds and select a preferred noise.

OR you can look into soundproofing panels, dealer’s choice!

Straightforwardly,

The Crone

Hello Dear Crone,

I'm not entirely sure you do this kind of advice, but I'd like to hear your thoughts anyway.

I'm graduating high school soon and would love to go to college for music performance, but I'm terrified of being a failed artist stereotype.

Any advice?

Love,

Uncertain in these times

Dear Uncertain,

Speaking from experience, backup plans, side gigs, and slow growth are all the norm for the field (and many related ones) you’re interested in.

Can you pursue a music career and something else, or do your college plans require a music degree?

The only way you fail is if you don’t plan and give up when your one goal doesn’t immediately materialize.

Figure out the long-term: are we talking sold-out arenas, EPs and single releases, collaborations, songwriting, or a secret other thing?

You can plan around that and stay open to other opportunities, too.

Does the risk of failure outweigh the desire to try?

Questioningly,

The Crone