Dear Crone,

What is your hair routine cause I have serious hair envy?

Curlywirly

Dear Curlywirl,

It’s quite simple:

Wet hair > Wetbrush > Gel > Brush > Cream > Brush > Mousse > SCRUNCH.

The general rule of thumb is that whatever you incorporate into your hair routine should be from heaviest substances to lightest.

Whirl-ily,

The Crone

Oh Wise Crone,

I have had a crush on one of my coworkers almost the entire time he has worked with us, and I sometimes think he likes me back.

He announced this week he's leaving at the start of September, and I'm wondering if I should let him know my feelings or move on?

Yours truly,

Heartsick

Dear Heartsick,

It depends on what you want from this situation.

If you’re open to a long-distance relationship or a passionate fling, then yeah, go for it.

But if you’re hoping he’s going to walk away from whatever opportunity he is moving for and fall in love with you, I’m going to call you delusional.

Figure it out, and then decide.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am a single, 33-year-old woman who's tired of coming home to just my dog and my cat.

I don't want to use online dating because that seems like a good way to get murdered, and it feels like all the good people are taken.

Bars and clubs don't seem like good places to find meaningful relationships, so where do I go from here?

Forever Alone

Dear FA,

The answer is… anywhere else.

We’ve ruled out bars, clubs, and online dating. All very understandably… so where do you like going when you’re headed out?

Simultaneously, if the answer to that is nowhere, we’re going to have to broach the idea of some lifestyle adjustments.

Avoiding places where you know you won’t meet people you like is 25% of it; the remaining three-quarters belongs to finding what spaces you want to visit.

So brainstorm; worst-case scenario, we start flinging business cards at men in public.

Thoughtfully,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I've always been in relationships with toxic, jealous men, and now, just when I thought I'd found a normal one, I feel like he is constantly trying to make me jealous.

The thing is, I don't like being jealous (call it PTSD or something), and I feel like he has put me in a position to antagonize other women who may be in his life.

He is a good guy but I think a little insecure.

How do I approach this situation?

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

To clarify, you’ve dealt with toxic, jealous men before, and now that another one is exhibiting similar, if not identical, patterns, you’re looking for an excuse to justify it?

No.

He’s upsetting you and pitting you against other women… dearie, this entire situation is optional.

You approach it from this mindset: are you okay with him constantly trying to make you jealous, or do you have better things to do?

Exasperatedly,

The Crone

Hi Crone,

I just need to ask.

How do you keep a relationship going when it feels impossible?

My parents are homophobic and transphobic.

I’m Queer and in a committed gay relationship, and I plan on moving out by December.

Is it worth keeping the relationship with my parents?

Mari

Dear Mari,

We’re going to break up these two issues and compartmentalize them.

You’re moving out, and we’re just focusing on that for now.

Make sure you have all your necessary documents: birth certificate, SSN card, passport, a few bills in your name, etc., and have everything for the move sorted.

Once you’ve successfully moved into your new space, you’re settled and stable, then we can consider your relationship with your parents.

Learn what it’s like to live on your own first, and then see if there’s a place for your parents in your new lifestyle.

One step at a time.

Gently,

The Crone

Crone and Daniel,

I have always wanted to be an author and yeah, writing anything makes you an author but I want to seriously try and publish something.

but I am having a hard time collecting my thoughts and just starting.

Any advice on what makes a good story/how to start?

and how to I get over being scared to try.

My boyfriend and family all think it's a waste of time. but what hobbies and passions aren't? (Please ignore punctuation and spelling. I swear I'm literate enough to write)

WannabeAuthor1262

Dear Author,

I don’t believe in catch-all advice to constitute a good story; taste is subjective, and thus you can literally write whatever you want.

Though if you’re scared, my advice is… do it scared.

Scream the whole time you’re typing, sob while you’re writing, and hyperventilate when you spellcheck.

Why does fear need to be an excuse? You can be afraid and still write.

You don’t need to commit to anything other than the next letter.

So… go write.

Delicately?,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I've just accepted a new job, inside the same workplace.

How do I not feel guilty about leaving my work bestie (who's happy for me) to the shitshow that's my current-old department, while I go to hopefully greener pastures... in full view of her?

Santhel

Dear Santhel,

You’re not leaving at her; therefore, it isn’t your problem.

Trust your friend to take care of herself, to do what she needs to in order to secure her own future.

Just like you are.

Put on your oxygen mask first, as the saying goes, and maybe offer to write a reference for her if applicable.

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

This is less advice and more, “holy shit I just learned about this and you’re going to love it.”

Apparently there’s something called Fantasy Bachlorette which is like Fantasy Football but for the Bachlorette and you gain points by assembling a team of contestants and then getting them to go on dates or get married.

The concept is hysterical to me and sounded right up your alley.

Hope you got a laugh out of it.

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

This sounds hilarious, but I wanted to extend this idea to all our readers as a sign of how easy it can be to make content.

You can find comedy to share in everything, especially the pop culture you love.

Anon, I’d love for you to share your team and how they’re doing if you’re so inclined.

Creatively,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have been with my partner for a year and a half now and, as my name suggests, I feel like I’m settling. How do I reconcile this feeling? He’s a good guy, just doesn’t feel right to me.

Settling Sally

Dear Sally,

To start, let’s define the feelings. Is this because you have different goals or incomes, or is it mainly just about looks?

Any answer is fine; it’s about what you want after all, but that will at least give you information you need to move forward.

Did these feelings arise naturally, or did you only start thinking about it when a friend of yours made a comment?

The gist of it is, if you do feel this way, it’s time to leave, as anything less than 100% enthusiasm isn’t worth a relationship, but it would also behoove you to consider how you arrived at this conclusion.

Contemplatively,

The Crone