Dearest Crone and Daniel,

Not asking for advice so much as giving genuine heartfelt thanks.

I have started the Mistborn series after seeing and hearing y’all recommend it so often.

I’m halfway through book one and am already contemplating reading every book Sanderson has ever written.

You’ve created a monster, and I love it.

Thank you.

It’s the Perfect Book

Dear Perfect,

Wait until you start seeing the actual monsters… seriously, imagine getting stabbed and it making you healthier!

Long story, but you’ll figure it out soon.

I’m glad you’re enjoying it, and I look forward to hearing about you when you start the crab apocalypse.

Good luck!

Love,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

So I'm in a relationship; he and I are both polyamorous.

This girl I introduced him to for one day immediately started flirting with him and getting possessive of him even though they aren't dating AND she told me she’s monogamous.

I told her to back off because the relationship between him and i was still new and i wanted to wait before adding other partners and she SAID she would back off and then the VERY next day she was doing things alone with him when i had asked her not too.

What do I do???

Kor

Dear Kor,

It depends. What’s usually your first instinct when dealing with a conniving thot who doesn’t respect boundaries?

Get rid!

He’s your partner; why would she ever need to be around him again?

Tell him your issue with her as well; it should be a very simple explanation.

Sorry to her, but you’ve been voted off this island.

Bye!

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am in university.

A friend of mine who graduated from the same uni admitted his feelings for me after a year.

He is a sweetheart, I like him but he's 7 years older that's not the issue, but after talking for a while he said he wants to marry me.

I am still so young trying to figure out career, academics and myself while he has his shit together.

Should I end the blooming relationship so I don't hurt him by not fulfilling expectations, or should I tell him to take it one step at a time?

Cube99

Dear Cube99,

I don’t trust this man as far as I can throw him.

That is a significant age gap—regardless of what you think—especially considering the difference in your life stages.

He doesn’t have his shit together; that’s why he’s talking to someone 7 years his junior.

End it.

Not because you aren’t going to meet his expectations, but because he isn’t going to meet yours.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

My grandmother sent me a bunch of her old stuff, including a necklace that I think is actually my father’s.

I would like to send it back to him, but we haven’t spoken in years.

I don’t hate his guts anymore, but I’m not trying to build bridges, just return his property.

Will this be seen as reaching out?

Should I do it anyway?

Long Distance Daughter

Dear LDD,

I honestly don’t see how it will bring you anything but unnecessary stress.

If you know his address, just ship it. If you can find that out without talking to him, I think that’s the best path forward.

If you need to speak to him, you can, but it will be up to you to remain firm in your boundaries of just returning property.

If you can manage that, great, but you need to be honest with yourself about it.

Simply,

The Crone

Hi Crone and Daniel,

I love my friend but she's wildly judgemental for anything she doesn't understand.

She has previously called my mother a bitch (not incorrect but not her place), disparages my hobbies (belly dance) because she cannot fathom being perceived, but she desperately wants a relationship, and she complains about a mutual friend's issues, seemingly unaware she's doing the same thing to me.

I know I can't change her, but I'm at a loss as to what to do for my own peace?

I Have Feelings Too

Dear Feelings,

…and the positives of this friendship are…?

Obviously, I do not have the whole story, but to reiterate: she’s rude, incapable of self-reflection, and a gossip?

Is she rich at least?

Good on you for knowing you can’t change her, but if she’s harmful to your peace, why would you keep hanging out with her?

You can disengage slowly or be blunt:

“You’re kind of a rude, gossipy poes.”

Up to you!

Emphatically,

The Crone

Crone,

My uncle (who molested me as a child) is dying and won't inherit.

Instead, his son (who also molested me) will split with my mom.

My grandma knows of the abuse, but thinks this is only "fair".

She loves me, but refuses to change her will.

Recently, my sister (also molested by uncle) said that she doesn't care that we will get nothing and my abuser will.

He's well off, and we're poor.

How do I deal with this betrayal from my grandma and ambivalence from my sister?

Fed Up W/ the Patriarchy

Dear Fed Up,

Therapy.

A ton of it.

Your sister is protecting herself in the way that works for her: with her (perceived) ambivalence.

In regard to your grandmother, there’s nothing you can do. Hence my suggestion of speaking to a professional.

She’s old, aware of the situation, and unwilling to change her will because of it.

That’s your answer, horrible it may be.

You need to focus on the people who support you and the situations within your control.

It’s awful, and she should do better, but you cannot be the one to make her realize it.

Unfortunately, Granny has to figure it out herself. And she may not.

Gently,

The Crone

To her Croneliness,

From the time I was in middle school (about a decade), I have wanted to have a boyfriend.

I have also been a romance reader for the longest time. So that might be part of the problem.

I have since realized that while I still want to be in a relationship, I personally am not ready for a relationship.

How do I stop wanting to be in a relationship, or at least stop thinking about being in one?

Forever Hopeless Romantic

Dear FHR,

Is denying yourself what you want simpler than trying to assess what would make you ready for it?

By all means, you can fill your day up with various hobbies, plans, and activities to distract you, but if you want a relationship, you can investigate what those feelings are asking for.

Is it companionship, sex, peer pressure, or some secret fourth thing? Denying these feelings will prevent you from finding out!

Certainly, you can satisfy the above without a relationship, which would answer your current question, but it still requires you to self-reflect.

Inquisitively,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I battle with a handful of mental health issues, plus I'm a mom of teenagers, work full time-overnights, every weekend, in a high stress job.

I love my job, which at almost 40, is a first.

However, I'm burnt out.

I'm stressed, fighting daily panic attacks, and have no desire to do anything but sleep.

I feel like a terrible, underinvolved mom, a bad partner, and just stuck.

I don't know what I'm even asking, but at this point, I think anything helps.

Love your work.

Desperately,

Overwhelmed and Disheartened

Dear O&D,

You ask for help.

From your partner first and foremost, but also from the rest of your circle.

You book time off (assuming you can), you ask your teenagers to step it up in regard to chores, and you tell your partner to crack your spine like a glowstick, go get a massage, chug water, and then come home and sleep.

The surest way to burn out explosively is to not recognize when your fuse is running out.

Needing a break is normal, not a guilty pleasure.

Ask your circle for support, and rest.

You’ll thank yourself.

Carefully,

The Crone

Hello Crone,

I am 17, and I just feel so much less accomplished than my friends.

They are either all dating or have massive achievements, such as awards and the highest grades in our school.

I feel like I'm falling behind.

All of them are constantly doing stuff, having to reject lads who come up to them(I don't even like lads), and just have a plan in life.

I don't have anything like that, and they never do anything to make me feel this way, but I feel so inadequate around them.

Help?

V

Dear V,

In the nicest way possible, nobody has a plan in life at 17… It’s the hallmark of your age.

I assure you, whatever you think they’re doing is as much of a shock to them as it is to you.

That being said, there’s nothing wrong with trying to emulate what you’re seeing. If they’re getting good grades, perhaps you need a tutor or to change your study habits.

If you think they’re good-looking, maybe you can speak with them about their makeup routines, fitness programs, or ask for style advice.

Remember, they’re your friends; they have all these positive traits, and they like you. That means you have them too.

For what it’s worth, I promise you aren’t falling behind, but you’re certainly able to pursue the things you’re seeing.

I believe in you.

Encouragingly,

The Crone