Dear Crone,

I feel like my friend group is slowly falling apart.

There's been a big "intervention," and it's starting to crack from there.

I love my friends, but I just can't deal with the drama anymore (or their boyfriends...)

It's simmering, but I don't think it's going to boil over anytime soon.

We're all leaving school in around a year anyway, so nothing's going to happen, but I didn't know how to address these feelings.

Or should I just leave it?

Ghost

Dear Ghost,

What does this have to do with you?

Genuinely.

What if you just… keep hanging out with people and doing the things you enjoy without being overly worried about a bunch of adults’ (who are allegedly fully capable of communicating) feelings?

It’s possible to outgrow friends, and it’s entirely possible this group would fade regardless of the intervention.

I say just enjoy the time you have with them right now.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear oh benevolent Crone,

I'm having an issue. I'm currently in a brick-and-mortar high school, but I went to an online middle school, so I have no social skills.

Now on to the story, I have a friend who has recently started hitting on me, and I don't know what to do... I like him?

But since I have no social skills, I don't know how to respond to someone hitting on me

Pls help 😭

Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,

Take everything you have seen on TV and throw it out.

You’re in a highly developmental phase in your life, which is a good thing! It means that the only thing you have to do when you make a mistake is grow from it.

That said, you’re clearly doing something right if he’s into you.

So why don’t you just… do whatever you’re comfortable with?

You can wait for him to ask you out, or you can take that initiative.

You’re only going to develop these social skills by being social!

A key thing here is to make sure you’re asking questions about the other (and know it’s a red flag if they never ask about you), and don’t try to impress them.

You got this!

Encouragingly,

The Crone

Hi, Lovely Crone and Snatched Daniel,

I have written before and found your advice so good that I am seeking it again.

I met a guy, y’all.

He seems great; kind, open, kinky, almost perfect.

And he worships the ground I walk on.

I feel big things for him, but I am scared because I have been burned badly before, so I have trust issues.

I don't want to be judged for moving too quickly either.

My main concern is how to know he is being genuine.

People can be excellent chameleons, as I am sure you know.

FallingHard

Dear FallingHard,

Instead of approaching this with the fear that he is hiding something, why don’t we reframe it?

You have your prior experiences; you’ve seen what behaviors lead to them. Now, trust yourself enough to know you will protect yourself if necessary.

He has a bunch of positive qualities. Great.

You can assess how genuine he is by comparing what he says with what he does.

From there, do whatever feels best, regardless of someone else’s opinion.

Gently,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I've been friends with this guy for many years, and he really enjoys hugs and cuddles.

I try to oblige, but I have trouble believing it's fully platonic.

A long while back he had a crush on me, but he swears it's over now.

Yet some things he says make me not totally sure it IS over.

I wish I were the type of touchy-feely person he needs, but I keep thinking that will bring his feelings back, and I'm not into him romantically.

How do I navigate this?

No Touchy

Dear No Touchy,

Holy hells (worldbuilding), it’s not platonic.

Your instincts are correct, and I have to say, his continued demand for cuddles from you is equal parts “where my hug at?” gross and a deeply concerning disregard for social conventions and personal boundaries.

You navigate this by telling him to fuck off. Or if you prefer “no, I’m good.”

Don’t oblige this in any capacity; it’s not your responsibility to.

Be prepared for a freak out and a mask drop.

Directly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have been wanting to change my nose for years.

I am 23, and I have an appointment soon with a plastic surgeon to discuss surgery.

My question is: should I take my mom with me?

Even though we're having problems and not the best at communicating, I still think she has a valid opinion on me changing the way I look.

What do you think?

Should I just go through this alone?

Sincerely,

Indecisive.

Dear Indecisive,

Is your mother likely to be supportive of whatever final decision you make, or just be another source of anxiety throughout this process?

Could she possibly only be involved post-op?

Is she in any way educated about this process to the point where her input would be valuable?

You should have a support group through this, but my only concern is, will your mother, of all people, be able to fit that role?

If it’s going to be another stressful variable, I say go with a friend.

That being said, if your mother operates purely out of concern for you, then yes, that is something good to have for these kinds of events.

It really is up to you to decide. Whatever you choose, make sure the surgeon is honest, not pushing for an immediate final decision, and that you like their suggestions.

Delicately,

The Crone

Hi Crone (and Daniel),

What do you do when you’ve been kicked out of your found family?

I grew up in a really abusive environment, but I got out and even managed to find a place among people I dearly loved.

Last year was incredibly rough, with my dealing with financial issues, being laid off, fights with bio-family & health concerns.

I was in weekly therapy, but wasn’t handling it well.

I thought things were rough but okay with my found family until I got kicked out after Christmas.

What do I do?

Surprised Sailor Scout

Dear Surprised,

You stop and assess.

This is heartbreaking, but are you in a position right now for this to be a major focus?

You’re speaking to a professional—and that’s fantastic—but I want you to ensure that tackling this will not be detrimental to handling your financial or health concerns.

Assuming you’re good, you reflect. Making amends is a lifelong occurrence, and it may require you to consider past behavior and offer apologies where necessary.

If you haven’t been in touch since Christmas, I would say that all parties involved have had time apart, and if you wish, you can reach out.

But understand, they may not wish to speak, and even if you do have a conversation, your friends may not welcome you back.

I highly, highly recommend talking this through with your therapist first.

Honestly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I'm a college student stepping into the brutal job market.

I've been looking for opportunities for months now and have been struggling a lot.

I tend to compare myself with my peers who got opportunities sooner than me and then spiral.

Thing is, I almost always know when I'm comparing and spiraling that I'm being unfair to myself but I can't help it.

Any advice as to how to battle this?

Sincerely,

Unemployed Victorian Widow

Dear UVW,

As I often say, when the advice you wish to receive is how to not do something, 99% of the solution is don’t fucking do it.

In this instance, we sublimate (which, believe it or not, has a psychological definition). What that means is when you find you’re comparing yourself to others, you stop that line of thinking and do something productive.

Maybe it’s work on an application, maybe it’s go for a walk, maybe it’s simply swapping your current task for another.

You’ll stop by focusing on what you have done, the progress you’ve made in your job search, the steps you’ve taken to take control of your future, and the positive habits you've built.

Life isn’t a race; there is no correct timeline, and once you find a job, you’ll wonder why you ever worried.

For what it’s worth, I believe in you.

Exhortingly,

The Crone

Dearest Crone,

I seem to have written a novel.

Now I already know to drop names and links when it is ready.

However, that being said, would you rather read a novel with spice or without?

I am unsure if the world needs another smut book or not?

And no worries, no pregnancy bs either.

Soiwroteanovel

Dear Soiwroteanovel,

The tropes don’t matter, dearie. It’s all about execution!

If spice isn’t necessary, write what is! If his velvet-steel rod has to oscillate at 6000RPM or the plot falls apart, make that shlong swing!

Of course the world needs another smut book. More importantly, it needs your book, whatever genre it will be.

Less stressy, more writey.

Cacklingly,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I am an idiot.

So, a close friend's brother showed some interest in me, and I then caught feelings.

We had sex too soon and after I confessed my feelings.

He never replied for a while.

It devastated me that I confronted him in person and he said he wasn't ready for something serious like I was.

I was thinking of a friends with benefits thing because the sex is really good, but lingering feelings are an issue.

What the hell do I do?

PS. The only thing taming me is he lives next to my friend

Anonymous

Dear Anon,

He’s not into you, dearie.

You move on.

What you’re attempting to do is rationalize a potential option because the first one isn’t available, and so I’m here to tell you to stop.

Do not pass Go, do not commit fraud on your taxes.

You went out on a limb, and he wasn’t interested.

You do not grovel or offer what you think he’d be interested in.

Now we find someone else to ride.

Emphatically,

The Crone

Dear Crone,

I have what can best be described as a lover.

Though neither of us wants to “date” the other, what we have is so loving and supportive that the dating world sounds awful.

5 years of stunningly healthy communication, respect, frequent orgasms, and mutual appreciation for the others’ interests.

Although I do want the emotional intimacy of being someone’s girlfriend, I also highly doubt I’ll ever find someone who sees me and takes care of me like this man does.

Advice?

Good Problems

Dear Good Problems,

Good news: you will!

Assuming you actually want to pursue it.

He is not the only man able to communicate and make you cum, he’s just what’s readily available to you right now.

He’s not going to be your boyfriend, so now it’s up to you to decide whether that’s a dealbreaker.

What’s more appealing, this for… however long it’s going to last with someone who refuses the commitment of a label, or being single again?

Up to you, dearie.

Honestly,

The Crone