Welcome to The Valthakan Times
Write-In of the Week
Dear Crone,
Do I need to be a mainstream author to get Daniel to read my book, or can I send him a copy?
Author Blue
Dear Author Blue,
You’re welcome to send anything to
PO Box 73571
Vancouver RPO
Downtown, BC, Canada V6E 4L9
Just shoot a message to [email protected], so we know to keep an eye out.
That said, the TBR is a long one, but we can always look to running a formal advertisement here in the Times!
Sincerely,
The Crone
Table of Contents
Quite the Dopamine Crash
Hello {{firstname_title | Valthakai}}, the newly Untethered, pirates, seawitches, stormspinners, and sirens…
We’re back from the Columbus Fantasy Ball, and all I can say is wow. But before we regale you with all that happened, we have some updates for you!
What Shall I Stream Next?
Crack Me Open… With Questions OML — The deeply inappropriate Daniel Alexander Q&A you asked for. Freely available on our YouTube channel!
Magitechnically — A conversation about magic and technology dropping for all viewers this Friday!
You! Slam That Book in My Face!
Facebook — In light of our recent monetization and concerns regarding more than a few copycats, we wanted to share our official page right here!
Progress Over Perfection
Fitness Journey — It's week 19, and we’re focusing on dietary changes. Of course, we love any recipe tips for good macros, and don’t forget your fiber!
BTS Channel — In the interest of more authentic, real-time behind-the-scenes, we’re moving our BTS work off YouTube and directly into a dedicated Discord channel. Whenever we’re traveling, attending, or otherwise acting at an event, check in to see if you can figure out our exact geopositional coordinates!
A Birthday Thank You!
To the many people who sent us birthday wishes and tips, I wanted to thank you as directly as I’m able. You should have received an invitation link to join our Eldritch community.
If you have had any issues, please reach out to [email protected]!
Thank you to everyone who wrote in this week.
Enjoy!
Love,
The Crone and Daniel
Want to Keep the Fantasy Going?
In Case You Missed It
Daniel’s Upcoming Read
A series that has long since intrigued and terrified me.
I believe it’s time we start the Malazan Book of the Fallen series… right after I finish the Stormlight Archive, of course.
Empress Laseen sets her sights on the last of the Free Cities of Genabackis, all the while Anomander Rake and his Tiste Andii remain a thorn in her empire’s side.
If you’re as equally confused and curious as I am about the above sentence, welcome to the book club.
Let’s grab a drink and get started.
The gods have gathered, and they’re not ones for subtlety.
We Return From the Court of Tethered Souls
I have officially been to the land of the Cornhenge. For those of you who prefer the TL;DR, it’s exactly what it sounds like!
Obviously, I have included pictures, but I have to say these kinds of events are exactly why I started creating content in the first place. The opportunity to meet with and engage with beautiful, kind, hilarious, absolute nerds is something I will never get tired of.
If I wanted to thank everyone who made this event so wonderful by name, this email would be a three-hour read, but I do want to shout out Dylanie specifically, the mastermind behind Columbus Fantasy Balls. If you want to see the rest of the wonderful crew, check my tags on Instagram!
To date, she is the first person (at least in my experience) to seem to have realized that offering compensation, accommodation, and travel to her hired creators is a great way to ensure they can make it. This, plus her absolutely incredible communication skills, made it such a delight to attend the Court of Tethered Souls.
If you ever have an opportunity to attend a Columbus Fantasy Balls event, I highly highly recommend.
I also wanted to thank our Eldritch and Witch community supporters, as they are the reason I have been able to continue with this line of work and be seen far enough to receive these kinds of opportunities.
Thank you for keeping the fantasy going❤.
I was so hungover in this photo
Siren Socialites and Captain Queens
Almost broke my damn hip
The crew of the Black Marrow
Good angles with the anglerfish
Now a silly one
A very strange Fae portal
Dear Crone
The Advice Column
Dear Crone,
How can I tell if I’m actually mature enough to handle “casual”?
I’ve been single for a year now, and I don’t want a relationship, but I worry I’ll get attached, and past FWB have led me to believe that I’m not cut out for it.
How can I get some without putting my heart through the wringer?
Should I just wait until I’m ready for something serious?
The Quinn Subscription Ain’t Cutting It
Dear TQSACI,
Chances are, if you’re wondering, you probably aren’t ready.
If the idea of casual fills you (pun intended) with anything resembling dread, it’s probably not a good idea.
That being said, what’s more important right now, the risk of a heart-wringing or getting some?
You can always try, but assess the worst-case scenario:
You fall for someone, and they’re not interested. Do you spiral for the next year, or does it just ruin your weekend?
Handling casual doesn’t necessarily mean not falling for someone; it means being able to accept a scenario where you don’t get 100% of what you want.
Can you?
Directly,
The Crone
Dear Crone,
I'm a senior in high school.
I have (had) a friend whom I was very close with, they ditched me because their girlfriend doesn't like me and I still have to face them everyday.
We also have alot and I mean alot of mutual friends.
They told me to leave them alone which is hard because we have class together and lunch (our friends sit near each other) I quit a club simply so I don't see them.
Whenever I see them it's awkward and tense.
How do I help this?
Anonymous
Dear Anon,
I’m so excited to tell you that this is not your fucking issue.
Unfortunately, your friend’s gf has him by the balls—SOP for high school relationships, especially when they’re first beginning to be sexually active—and she’s intimidated by others, while he’s terrified he’ll stop getting some.
Vulgar, but I’m rarely wrong.
They can go be uncomfortable and weird wherever they feel like it, you keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It’s not about you, it’s about them.
And when that relationship implodes, you make him grovel, I’m so fucking serious.
In the meantime, act as if you were still friends, and you don’t have a problem.
Because you don’t!
Cacklingly,
The Crone
Dear Crone,
I need your advice.
I am 22 years old, and still a virgin.
My last boyfriend was when I was 15 and he broke up with me because I wasn't ready for anything sexual except kissing.
Well that was when I was 15-and now I'm 22, obviously ready for a serious boyfriend and a relationship.
The thing is - I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, I don't have any social media and obviously doesn't have any dating apps either.
Please help me, what should I do?
Sincerely,
Hopefully in love
Dear Hopefully,
If you’re looking for a drastic solution, the answer is probably move, but if you’re more interested in a subtle change, you’re going to have to go outside, dearie.
No social media—brilliant, all the happiest people are chronically offline.
No dating apps—excellent, spare yourself.
So now we have to go talk to people, outdoors.
Build a routine that ensures you talk to strangers—a visit to a coffee shop, a run club, or other interest group —whatever it takes to meet new people.
And go from there.
Don’t approach this with the intent to fling your snatch at the nearest moving object, have your standards, and stay open-minded and patient.
Remember, you can’t be behind on your own journey.
Gently,
The Crone
Dear Crone,
My partner and I are in an open relationship, and recently I have come to the conclusion that I may have a crush on one of their friends.
We've actually started talking more, and I'm not entirely sure if I should say something.
He and my partner joke/flirt all the time.
He's also seen our OF.
My partner says he has small doubts anything would happen, but also encourages me talking/flirting more etc.
What should I do?
Anonymous
Dear Anon,
Okay, assuming your boundaries are in place, your partner is aware of the situation, and he has already seen you naked… what’s the worst outcome?
Your partner appears unworried and encouraging of it, and given the friend’s awareness of your dynamic, I don’t think approaching him about it would drive him off.
So I’ll ask you, if you freak him, is he likely to become obsessively in love with you?
If not, you’re probably in the clear.
Though simultaneously, I don’t think you’ll regret not saying something in the long term, only because it’ll keep everything drama-free.
Honestly,
The Crone
